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Embrace the mess

As my fingers glide across the keyboard, in this very moment, it is hard for me to believe that I am actually writing this blog. I’ve talked for years about doing it. I had every intention of doing it…eventually, but life got in the way and it never came to fruition, also I’m a world-class procrastinator, until I decided to stop trying to figure out how to make it perfect. I had this epiphany a couple of days ago. I’m not perfect! I know, I know, that seems obvious, but why was I so worried about a perfect blog platform, website, name etc when it is supposed to be a reflection of me and I am far from perfect. So I asked myself, what am I? Well, I’m a mom. I’m an artist, a teacher. No, that’s who I am. What am I? What is my life about? Then there it was. I’m MESSY! Really, I am. Even when I was a child my mom refused to let me wear white because I would inevitably spill something on it. Anyone that has worked with me knows that I have my own process of getting things done. It’s going to look like everything’s a wreck because it is, but in the end, somehow it all comes together to create art. If you have travelled with me you know that my suitcase explodes into every part of the room. When I drink wine, I spill it. I lament that I have probably spilled equivalent to several bottles of wine in my adult life. And when I drink red wine, it clings to every part of my mouth and I unavoidably look like a vampire that just finished feeding. My car is something of a nightmare for any type A personality. There are all sorts of treasures hiding in every nook and cranny. I once found my marriage license in a back pocket of my car before I sold it. Now I have a two-year-old son and anyone one who’s had a toddler knows that being messing is their job. My son has my genes so I feel like he’s REALLY good at his job. In fact, just today while I was working on designing the website for this blog and I had just typed the words, “embrace the mess”; he hurled a half eaten yogurt at my head. I mean, yogurt on the curtains, yogurt on the dog, and yogurt on the ceiling. I am fairly certain that I missed some yogurt somewhere that I will inevitably discover a couple of days from now. I also work with kids. I own a dance studio and teach kids ages 3-18. What can I say about that? Socks everywhere. Bobby pins everywhere. Teenage emotions everywhere. I once had to stop a rehearsal because a student started physically crying because an actor in, I believe Vampire Diaries, should be her husband, but he was already married. “What in God’s name are you talking about?” I said. To which she replied with tears in her eyes, “I just know we are meant to be. I can feel it!”

This is my life…it’s messy. Yes, yes it is, but something that I have come to realize, as I’ve gotten older is that that’s ok. There’s a quote by Anne Lamott that says, “Perfection is shallow, unreal and fatally uninteresting.” I couldn’t agree more and for my art I have always subscribed to that, but I used to feel guilty about my messy life. Don’t get me wrong, I still strive to keep my house clean and be more organized, but I also have come to embrace the mess. This is because I’ve realized that the messy things are the ones that bring me so much joy. It’s my son and his yogurt flinging, marker covered self; laughing hysterically at something I wouldn’t have even noticed otherwise that I embrace. Toddlers aren’t worried about mess. They are living their lives, discovering the world and embracing every messy part of it. It’s the kids that I teach that cry about TV stars not being available to marry them that remind me that even when you don’t understand someone else’s messiness it’s important for them to feel heard and valued and that you embrace them along with their messiness.

So, what in the world is this blog about? Well, it’s about me. It’s about things that may be messy, but are part of my beautiful life. Relationships, food, wine (yes…my life is made partly of wine), everyday struggles and triumphs, laughter, family, art and every other messy thing that makes me who I am. I am embracing the messy and to anyone that may be bothered by it I would say, excuse the mess, but this is me.

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